whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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