Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
