I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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