it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
