I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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