bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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