no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
