he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
