Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize