So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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