We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
