Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
