I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize