Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
