there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
