I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
