I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
