I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
