I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
