shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize