i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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