a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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