I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
