dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
