well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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