i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize