remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
