please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
