I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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