my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
