No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
