Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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