I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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