somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
