I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize