I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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