I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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