ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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