we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
