Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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