My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
