This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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