Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
