One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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