Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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