my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
