i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
