Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
