But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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