I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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