An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
