you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
