On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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