the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
