Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
