I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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