he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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