Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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