I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
