I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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