Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
