i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
