Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
