Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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