do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We got so high we made milksteak
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
