If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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