Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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