I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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