I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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