I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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