Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
