I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
