i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
