HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
