Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
