new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
