He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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