He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
