dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
