Nicole vs. Life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
