you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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