you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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