Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
