There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
