guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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