our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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