It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
