My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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