I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize