You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
