help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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