I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
soo... how was my night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
