Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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