im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The best revenge is premature balding
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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