I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
