frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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