I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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