so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize