I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
well you can't waste a boner
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
