Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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