I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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