I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
