walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
