I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
