I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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